sINGLE MOM cONFESSIONS
sINGLE MOM cONFESSIONS
Hey moms! I am so excited to share with you all this awesome post from Becky who blogs at Mommy Takes 5. I am linking her blog and social media sites below, please go show her some love. She also has an amazing 7 day challenge for moms, which is also linked below, so be sure to check that out too!
5 Minutes From Worn Out to Renewed Mom [ Guest Post ]
HI, I'm Becky from Mommy Takes 5, where I encourage moms to take time for self care each and every day. I am so excited to be posting here on Daisha's blog and hopefully getting to know some of you. When you take time for yourself it is easy to be a better mom.
Moms you need care too
It's something we can all relate to. We are busy, we have other things to do, and our own needs can be pushed aside to get that last dish washed or last load of laundry folded (or maybe put in the basket to fold tomorrow? Anyone else has that issue?)
When I brought my daughter home from the hospital it was rough, I had preeclampsia leading to an emergency C-section. My blood pressure didn't want to come down and I ended up on modified bed rest and blood pressure medication even after I got home. Add into that the lack of sleep and hormones from just having a baby, and you can understand the level of exhaustion I was dealing with.
Yet I was determined that I would be super mom. So what if I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes, I could hardly move without pain because of the incision and I was losing my mind from exhaustion. I needed to make sure things got done. I was home, my husband works, it was only right for me to pull my own weight, right? Ok, so I tried my best to be super mom, and I failed........ bad.
There is no such thing as a perfect mom
Trying to be this perfect mom who had it all together put me into a funk. There was no time to think of my own needs, it was hard enough to shower most days. In an instant I went from me to a mom, there was no room for me in my day. I had a household to run, I was trying to nurse, & I was dealing with high blood pressure.
As time moved along and I began healing, there still wasn't time for me. There was a never ending chain of bottles and parts to clean. The housework doesn't stop when you have a baby it just gets worse, and then add in finishing renovations to our home & planning out wedding. Things were crazy.
After about 5 or 6 months of this nonstop focusing on everything else, I hit a wall. I no longer felt like myself, I started to get depressed. I was the maid, the servant, the cook, the bottle maker, you name it. I was everything to everyone and nothing was ever for me. I was exhausted, I felt a longing to go back to the 'old me' because I felt so disconnected from who I was before baby.
We all have these stories
Sure, yours will be different. Each of our stories is going to be that way, but there is usually a common thread. Once becoming a mommy, we stop paying attention to what we need because everyone else needs our attention. We feel this obligation to care for everyone else first that we lose sight of ourselves.
It was about 6 months postpartum, on a walk with one of my great friends that we were discussing how I just didn't feel like myself anymore; I felt like some shell of who I used to be. That girl was somewhere inside, but I didn't think that girl was this new mom. She was someone different, someone I never could go back to.
During this walk, I remember us talking about how if I even took 5 minutes to do my makeup I was able to connect to that 'old me' I was longing to get back. Just 5 minutes by myself could make a world of difference in the way I felt and carried myself. Yet, for some reason, I rarely took any time for anything I needed or wanted to do.
So here's the deal
It's tough, especially when your kids are young and rely on you for everything. I know you're the sock-match-finder, the toy-picker-upper, and everything else that anyone needs. I know you hit the bed completely exhausted each night and promise to do better tomorrow. You could be a working mom or a stay at home mom, it doesn't matter. We all go through this.
There's a longing or a want in there. You might want a bubble bath, or to grab a cup of coffee and enjoy it in silence. Maybe you wish you had a phone call with a good friend. There is something you're longing for that will make you feel like YOU again. It doesn't even have to be anything fancy, maybe you want to put in your headphones and enjoy your favorite song a little too loud.
Whatever you want to do, find your window of time and DO IT!!!
You're worth it!
How much time should you devote? My first recommendation is 5 minutes. That's all, just 5 minutes.
I'm serious about it. I take 5 minutes (minimum) each and every single day for myself. Let the dishes sit. That load of laundry that's been sitting in the dryer too long, it will be there. You are worth the attention, and most importantly, you're worthy of some self-love!
Give yourself time, but when?
So each day I challenge you to take no less than 5 minutes for you. That's all.
It's not a big time investment, and some days it goes painfully fast. It's such a small part of the day that you should be able to fit it in. Do something for you before the kids get up, or if your kids are morning people like mine is take a few minutes after bedtime. Nap time is my favorite time to spend my 'me time' because I can always run over.
Look, I know you're exhausted. We all do so much in the short 24 hours we are given each day, but as you begin to make yourself a priority your energy will increase. You will find yourself doing more for yourself in a day for you. Some days will be easier to find the time than others, I get it. I have days that I'm running in 500 directions all day long. We all have those days. It's ok, but make it a priority. It will get easier as you find where you can carve out those 5 minutes.
Where do I find time?
A little over a year in, I have found a few areas that I can work on myself throughout my day. Yours will look different, and that's perfect because it should be catered to you.
I start most days with a workout on YouTube. I do this with my daughter. She runs around, adds weight to my planks by climbing on me, and she copies my moves. I'm teaching her healthy practices early and giving myself the needed boost of a good workout. When she is playing really good I might sneak to the bathroom and do some quick makeup or do something with my hair. During her nap I write, journal, read, watch makeup guru's on YouTube, basically whatever my heart desires. At night, I apply a mask or do something a little extra with my skincare routine.
What do you need?
When I started this challenge for myself, taking a minimum of 5 minutes a day, I wrote a list of everything I was longing to do. It had basic things like taking a peaceful shower or doing my makeup, and it also had more complex things like taking a girls trip. Over a year in, I have repeated my easy ones time and time again, while I haven't taken a girls trip, but it will happen one day.
Each day I just do what I feel I need. Do I want to paint my nails? Maybe read for a few minutes? Pin mindlessly on Pinterest? Sit quietly and clear my head? Journal? Snuggle my baby (no matter how old) as they sleep? Whatever it is, I devote no less than 5 minutes.
It is truly all about you and doing what your heart is telling you it needs. What will put you in the best mental state to care for your family? Pull out a piece of paper or open the notes on your phone and just spill your heart out. What is it you need? For each of us, it will be different.
Say it with me
You are worthy of the time and attention!
You deserve the focus!
It is NOT being selfish to need something for yourself.
It's ok to say no when you need to recharge your batteries.
I hope you'll come join me over on Mommy Takes 5 for some more self care inspiration and ideas.
Hello there! I'm Daisha Renee; single mom of 3, Netflix binger, foodie and lover of yoga. Here on the blog I provide practical solutions for single motherhood.
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