I've wanted to get to the nitty gritty of single and solo parenting for a while now. This is a topic that hits home for a lot of men and women, but more specifically women. 15 million children are being raised without a father. This makes holiday's like Father's Day, is a sore topic for single mothers.
The topic of single parenting is something that many of us don't openly discuss because we're either too ashamed or just don't want our business floating around and I get that. Many women who I've come across are still struggling with learning how to single parent, especially the ones with children who have absent fathers. How I learned, taking it one day at a time.
There are no words that can express how much you love your children and the mountains you would move for them. They are incredibly lucky to have a mother who provides for them. Unfortunately, the person who you need the most support from is not there, and that opens a broad range of feelings and emotions.
You're left raising your children on your own and use too much energy trying to get him to visit them because he's missing it all. All you get is reasons why he can't and that makes you angry and resentful. More time goes by and you wonder if you can afford to do it on your own.
Feeling All the above
Every month you worry about making sure bills are paid on time and keeping pocket money until that next check direct deposits. This is not the only thing that keeps you up at night. You are 100 percent for keeping the children out of the parent's drama, but your deepest fears is that one day your children will ask you where their dad is. You know one day that you will either have to tell the brutal, heartbreaking truth or serve them up a lie. This makes you resent him.
Feeling Nothing But Anger
Most days you don't feel anything but anger. You're angry because they're missing all the important milestones. No matter how small the event is, it's still a big deal. You are the only parent who knows what it means to sacrifice and sometimes it kills you inside. You're a single mom, so your life is chaotic, you move and push things around to have a glimpse of a social life, and then have to cancel at the last minute because you are too tired to be social.
Your daily schedule is on repeat:
You think to yourself they wouldn't last a day in my shoes and get angry all over again. You regularly ask them what could be more important than spending more time with your children because you've had enough of the excuses.
Feeling Nothing But Fear
Okay, so your most dominant feeling right now is fear. You're afraid of going at this parenting thing alone, hoping that you'll get it right. You're scared of reaching critical adulthood milestones on your own. You know one day someone is going to have to show your son how to be a man. And for your daughter; she'll need someone to show her how a man is supposed to treat a woman or to walk down the aisle with her father on her wedding day.
You fear that your children will not get to partake in these experiences. Turn this around and make it positive. No one can replace your children's father. Let your kids bond with their grandfathers, older cousins, or uncles. Give them an active and most importantly, reliable male figure in their lives and they'll never feel like they've missed a thing. Yes, it's not the same, but it is the next best thing. They will also have a chance at having healthy relationships in the future.
I have had enough + I will not dwell!
To my single mothers, it is okay to feel all of these feelings and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. My advice to you is to not dwell too much on what your children are missing. You get to see it all. You know what brings absolute joy to your children's lives and their fears. Most importantly, they feel that sense of safety, because they know that they can depend on you to always be there. You are their superhero. Focus on that!
There will be another day when they are older, and will ask you again about their dad, and you need, to be honest. Try to be honest without sounding bitter. What your children needs to understand the most is that they did nothing wrong. Should you ever need a friend whose been there, hit me up via email@example.com.
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Well hello there! I'm Daisha Renee; single mama to three minions, Netflix binger, self proclaimed foodie, and yoga lover. On this blog I post about all things mom: organization, stress, how to single parent & single mom challenges.
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