What To Do When A Deadbeat Father Plays The Victim
Okay so before I begin this post let me just clarify that I am not speaking from past or current experience in this. My goal is to always provide inspiration and to empower single moms everywhere. If this is something that is happening to me I shall now and forever more remain UNBOTHERED.
I wanted to shed some light on this because it is a very hot topic in the single mom community. I have yet to come across a blog that has discussed this, but I may be wrong. Either way, it's a pretty important topic to discuss and on behalf of single moms everywhere, we're pretty tired of this shit.
So let me start by saying that this post is mostly for single moms who are mostly parenting on their own. No co-parenting schedules or whatever, just solo dolo. We as single moms work our asses off to provide the best life for our children despite our "shortcomings".
So you can imagine how pissed she gets when she hears through her local community or social media that the absent or deadbeat father of her child is slandering her name. Laying claims that he doesn't see the kids because SHE won't let him. I have seen this before I even became a single mom and I was the least surprised by this. It's called self-preservation folks. Rather than flat out saying he doesn't want to be a dad, he places all the blame on the mom because it's easy to blame to bitter, hung up baby mama.
Now if you are a single mom who has found her self in this predicament try to remain unbothered. I know, I know that is easier said than done for some, but it is possible. If you find yourself having trouble with remaining unbothered, here are some tips to help you know what to do when a deadbeat father plays the victim.
Keep a record of everything
You have been busting your ass for years and then he shows up out of nowhere demanding full custody (yes this is a thing smh). Have tangible proof of his absence. What I mean by that is have phone call records, printed out screenshots, and phone calls transferred to a flash drive. Have things saved up for your "rainy day" just in case you need a lawyer.
Save your screenshots from emails, text or Facebook messages from over the years of you asking him to come see his child. If you haven't already downloaded the "TapACall" app do that now. There's a free and paid version. Record every call with him, assuming you can get him on the phone, of you trying to make plans for him see your child.
If there are single dads who are reading this, I urge you to do the same thing as well. I do understand that there are some moms who do prevent the dad from seeing their child. So my advice to you dad would be to legalize your rights.
What about single moms who are trying to keep the dad from seeing their child
I don't know every situation and I won't pretend to know all the answers. I do know that there are women who are actively preventing the father from seeing his child. Their reasons can range from pure pettiness, new girlfriend, new wife, or honest safety concerns. I don't see the benefit of keeping a child from their father if it's not a legitimate safety concern.
You are doing more harm to your child than you are to the father. Ponder on this. Are you prepared to handle that conversation when your child reaches maturity about why daddy wasn't around? If it is a safety concern, get it on paper. Going to court can be expensive and messy, at least you'll be handling it the right way.
Why should I remain unbothered about my childs father slandering me?
Well, let me start by telling you why I'm unbothered by all things concerning my ex. I honestly don't give a shit what my children's father says about me. I know what kind of mother and human I am. So do my nearest and dearest.
If there ever is a time, God forbid, that I do hear this about me, I will continue to remain unbothered because babe the proof is in the pudding. There is absolutely no need for the drama. You know what kind of mother you are, let your character speak volumes for itself. If the accusation does grind your gears, take the necessary time to be angry, then spend the rest of your days unbothered.
Just keep doing what you've have always been doing. Being a great mama. We can not spend our days wondering what other parties are doing. That shit will drive you crazy. When you are truly unbothered, you are allowing yourself peace of mind.
As long you have all your ducks in a row, you'll be fine. However, just in case the asshole does try to take legal action, do your research on legal fees and the like. Going to court is emotionally draining and can be crazy expensive so it's best to be prepared.