Why Being A Single Mother Is Not The Worst Thing
Shame. That is the word the comes to mind for most single mothers. Feeling like the whole world is against us for choices we've made not even knowing the story. Society throws a bunch of numbers at us telling us that we are meant to fail.
From the day we give birth, the odds are against us. Why? Because we need help? Because single moms are viewed as promiscuous? Or irresponsible? Our decisions as mothers will seem open to criticism, but no matter what we must always continue to do what is the best interest of our children and ourselves.
I have days when I love motherhood, days when I just hate it, and I'm sure you do too. As mothers, well for some, we don't have the option to turn away from our obligation as moms. We did not have children just to raise them alone. Though we CAN, we were not meant to.
A lot of single moms feel ashamed from family values they were brought up on, society beliefs, endless shaming from opinionated assholes, the list is endless. Every single mother's journey is different. I know from connecting with a few women from a few groups that some women have it way worse than I have.
So much of what I've learned over the years has been from my own experience of course. Every mom has to find her balance and find out what exactly works for her. Here are a few reasons that may help you through your journey with single motherhood and help you fight through the shame!
Ohhh The Judgement
Anyone who's never been in your shoes is going to have something smart to say. As if you woke up one day and just decided to get pregnant and become a single mother.
Some single mothers are divorced, were engaged or come from serious long-term relationships that just didn't work out. No matter what situation you came from, yes people are going to judge you. That's just life. Our lives will always seem open to criticism.
You have to decide whether you're going to let all their shit bother you or block it out. Yes, things didn't work out quite like you may have thought or planned, but it is up to you how you let these obstacles affect the rest of your life.
Leaving Bad Environments
A lot of the times leaving a relationship with your child's other parent is for the best. Some single moms leave very abusive relationships or someone who consistently cheats on them. Or a mom like myself, leaving a relationship to better your mental health.
You should never feel shame for doing something that is both right for you and your child. There is nothing wrong with wanting to raise your kids in a safe and loving environment. Yes, it is ideal for you to raise your child together, but think about the long-term benefits.
You will face challenges, and you will struggle with the adjustment. Don't let that scare you from making a decision that could better the lives of you and your child.
Solo parenting is exhausting and from time-to-time we need to break away from the everyday chaos and reign it all in— Daisha Renee (@_daisha_renee) August 27, 2017
Yes, You Need Help, But Wait You're Only Human
I am a full-time single mom, and I don't get a lot of alone time, and mostly by choice. I use to feel like I had to do it all. That if I couldn't, then I failed as a parent. Burning yourself out makes you pretty much useless to your child.
You are a "single" parent; you cannot do it alone. It is true what they say; it does take a village to raise a child. When someone offers to help; take it! I am so thankful for my kiddos grandparents and aunts. Once I learned that it was okay to reach out to my family, I felt the weight of the world lift from my chest.
All parents need extra help. You should feel no shame needing any help whether it's just someone taking the kids for a few hours so you can get some peace or financial. How you choose to live your life is no one's business. Always do what's in the best interest of you and your child regardless of anyone's opinions. You are the only one who has to live with the choices you make.
It's hard, but it does get better. One day you will finally be happy, and all of this will be worth it. In the few lessons, I've learned in my seven years of motherhood is that parenting requires a delicate balance. While we are the ones who set limits and impose on our domain, we are also the ones who must nourish in our child a healthy, independent mind.
Embrace this life. Decide to be more than a number on a chart that has tried to define you and your children's future. Put your blinders on and ignore all the people who are determined to keep you down because you chose a different path for YOUR life. Continue to be a kick-ass mom!