Do You Tell An Absent Dad Happy Father's Day?
Father's Day is a day to celebrate our fathers; biological, step, or adoptive. The day we celebrate those who show up and show out for their children. Father's day is actually my favorite holiday over mothers day because I get to spend a whole day celebrating the man who has my back no matter what.
This holiday is also bittersweet, especially for those of us single moms who put in the work of mother AND father. On one hand, we're left with questions from out little ones about where their father is or why they don't have a dad. On the other, we may ask ourselves for the sake of our offspring do we wish an absent dad happy father's day?
I am solo parenting, so at first, this topic seemed like a no-brainer for me.While I did receive a happy mother's day phone call, I questioned over the weeks following if I would give a call in return. I know I tend to over think things, especially the really simple ones.
For many solo moms, the answer is a simple HELL NO! For other single moms who are barely co-parenting their answer could be teetering on a seesaw. I guess the real question is why should we praise him for the awesome job he is not doing?
Is it about the credit or because he just doesn't deserve it?
If you are a solo mom, I know your struggle. Some co-parenting single moms may know our fight as their own too. Moms are usually the ones to make the most sacrifices than the dad. We miss work when our little ones are sick, we handle all of the doctor's appointments and usually the ones helping with the homework.
Though it may please us to do these things, it would be helpful to have that extra support. You're left raising your child on your own and use too much energy trying to get him to visit because he's missing it all. The fact that we don't have that support makes it a lot easier not to send a Happy Father's Day text.
How important is it for your little ones?
I am 100 percent for keeping the children out of the parent's drama. Drama as in complaints about their dad being absent, or speaking ill of their father in front of the kids. So when my 6-year-old daughter asked me could she call her dad to tell him happy father's day, it was a no-brainer.
No matter my feelings on our family's situation I would never deprive my children in wanting a relationship with their dad. They're in school making gifts and wondering if they're going to get the chance to give it to their dad. My personal take on a situation like this is to allow your child (depending on safety concerns) to at least try. That way it doesn't look as though you are keeping their dad from them.
Solo parenting has by far been one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. I have days when I completely love motherhood and days when I am just overwhelmed with everything. As mothers, we do not get the choice to turn away from our responsibility as mothers. We did not have children just to raise them alone. Though we can, we were not meant too.
You think to yourself they wouldn't last a day in my shoes and regularly ask them what could be more important than spending more time with your children. That in itself is enough to make any single mom not want to be bothered with father's day wishes or gifts. In all honesty, I reach out for my little ones. I take comfort in knowing that I try for them. Whether or not it's received is entirely on him.
I'm Daisha Renee; single mama, foodie, and lover of yoga. Here on my blog I write about the challenges navigating life as a single mother while suffering with depression. I also provide tips to help with overwhelm and practical solutions for single parenting.