Why I Decided to Embrace Single Motherhood
All I've known for the longest was survival mode. Get up, get my kids to school, go to work, get home for dinner, complete night time routine, and repeat. Every day felt like I was coming closer and closer to drowning. Left to figure all the do's and don'ts of parenting.
I felt like a victim. Why? I can't say honestly. My life just seemed like one long bad dream that I would never wake from. One day I woke up and decided to thrive and overcome my depression because these tiny humans needed me. They needed a healthy mom. So a healthy happy mom is what I gave them. Now I'm embracing single motherhood.
If you're a mom living with depression or any mental illness, you know that mental health takes daily work. Single parenting can also make your depression worse, especially if the mom is not seeking some help or professional treatment. It took one day for me to gather all my marbles and get it together, they are the best motivation.
I did not want my inner fight within myself to hinder my children from having the best childhood they could have. I did not want their futures to be a part of what society views as the norm for children who are products of single parent households. I decided to prosper than just endure.
I Go Above and Beyond For My Babes
I will do anything for my children. Even days when I feel run down, I get up and work hard for mine. There were days when I didn't want to do it anymore, but I knew if I didn't I would be just like him. The idea of that drove me nuts.
Those days I knew it was my depression that was getting the best of me. I dreaded picking myself up and going to work. Today I'm in a unique mindset. I am a single mom. My children are young, but they can see that mama is raising them alone.
I want them to see me getting up and logging on for work with the most positive attitude. I need my kids to see and understand that if you work, you will earn a stable income. They are not defined by their situation based on damn statistics. And now through all through all my hard work I'm above the "poverty" income line.
I Learned How to Put Me First
If I don't take care of me, who will? My biggest ah-ha moment was when I realize what kind of childhood my children would remember when they got older. I didn't want them to look back and remember mom immobilized in bed for days, in the same t-shirt and leggings.
I want them to remember how much fun we had together playing Power Rangers together or dancing to the Trolls soundtrack while eating pizza on the floor. We may think them too young to remember, but who knows what memories our children's subconscious will choose to cling on.
I go to yoga because it gives me the opportunity to refresh and peace of mind I crave. It's something amazing about taking a day to myself to see a movie alone or just getting my nails done. If I feel better on the inside, I look better on the outside. I want my babes to remember the best versions of me!
I Don't Stress The BS Anymore
I use to be very passive when it came to dealing with my kid's father. Letting him get away with any and everything. His actions were only frustrating me. The more I held all that in, the wound up I became. I allowed their dad to dip in and out whenever it worked for him. What I cared about was the fact that they get to see their dad, not matter how brief.
I realized this was hurting them more. The few and far visits were only a teaser. That use to piss me off. I would work myself up wondering how any parent could go days without seeing their offspring. I just didn't get it.
It took time to realize that while I was pulling my hair out just pulling teeth, it seemed like for phone calls and visits, that he was completely non-stressed about the whole thing. The moment I stopped stressing shit I could not control the better life seemed to be going for me.
Every single mother's journey is different. I know from connecting with a few women from a few groups that some women have it way worse than I have. Do you know what makes you a rocking mother? The decision of not being a victim of your situation. Embrace this life. Decide to be more than a number on a chart that has tried to define you and your child's future. If no one has told you this lately, I already think you are pretty awesome!
If you are ever in need of a little chat, hit me up at email@example.com.
I'm Daisha Renee; single mama, foodie, and lover of yoga. Here on my blog I write about the challenges navigating life as a single mother while suffering with depression. I also provide tips to help with overwhelm and practical solutions for single parenting.